Welcome to another weekly edition of Musings From the Shower. Today, I’m so excited to feature a blogger who is near and dear to my heart ~ Sarah, from the Sadder But Wiser Girl. I love Sarah because she is a gifted writer (duh!), has a family that is all kinds of cute, opens up my ears to an eclectic mix of music each week, appreciates Sheldon Cooper, and lives in the left armpit of the Midwest (I live in the right). Whew! That’s a lot of reasons to love someone. And seriously, if you haven’t already, go check out her hilarity at Sadder But Wiser Girl. I promise, you won’t feel sad at all.
And now, for Sarah’s Musings From the Shower:
Not Quite Death By Shower
Ah the shower! That’s the place where I tend to have my best thoughts. Why not, when you are surrounded by water and have nowhere to write things down, of course you will have those thoughts that will have gone *POOF* by the time you get out! I do believe that I have lost about 4,000 great award winning writings between the shower and getting clothed.
Like today. I had at least three great ideas for blog posts in there. By the time I was out, I remembered about enough to make that opening paragraph. Go ME.
I’ve toyed with the idea of recording myself in the shower. Not like THAT-get your mind out of the gutter! You won’t be seeing any videos of me on http://www.ditzymomsshowering.com . I meant an audio recording. That way not only could I harm the eardrums of the world by exposing them to my renditions of “Shut Up and Drive”, “It Will Rain”, and “Don’t Fear the Reaper”, I also could record my every thought provided I would have them out loud.
So instead of great ideas making their way to paper, my showering often results in some sort of life threatening injury because it is SUCH a dangerous place. They should really have disclaimers, especially in my shower which is the size of a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese.
Note: There is no macaroni and cheese in my shower, which is probably a good thing, because my kids would never come out!
Anyway, where was I? Oh right. Shower injuries.
I’m so accident prone in our shower that I wonder if I should try to figure out how to have a Life Alert button installed. This is not because I have fallen and can’t get up, instead my injuries tend to me more of a different nature.
Recently I managed to slice my finger open attempting to open a can of something or other. It wasn’t just a little cut, it was a deep cut that bled and bled. I had to drop everything to get a paper towel to soak up all the blood, and then clean it and put a band-aid on it. It’s okay, I’m Red Cross certified.
In case you didn’t know, band-aids don’t stay on in the shower.
When I went to bathe, the band-aid of course came right off. I didn’t figure it was a big deal, because at the time I wasn’t bleeding. Then in the midst of showering I somehow managed to open the cut.
I’m sure you can imagine what happened next. Here I was in the middle of showering, blood gushing everywhere. At least I was in the shower, right? It could have been worse-at least here the blood went right down the drain.
After a short amount of time of profuse bleeding, I figured that I should at least try and stop the bleeding, since it would be very bad to lose consciousness from blood loss while it was just me and the kids at home. I’d really hate to have to explain that one to the paramedics.
So I tried to find something to stop the bleeding, and whacked my head on faucet knob so hard that I saw stars. So much for avoiding unconsciousness….
To add insult to my injuries, I then I rammed my knee into the wall, HARD. Jack Tripper would have been proud.
Eventually, I was able to find my way out of the shower, control the bleeding, get a new band-aid and take some ibuprofen for my bruises.
That evening my husband asked me why I was so frazzled. “Oh, I just tried to take a shower.”
In honor of this post today, I cut my finger open trying to do dishes. I’m just waiting to see what happens when I bathe later tonight…
Yes there was bleeding in my shower, no there was no murderer hiding in there!
When she isn’t suffering from extreme blood loss due to showering, Sarah Almond pens the wildly unpopular blog The Sadder But Wiser Girl. She also spends her time catering to the whims of two adorable future Nobel Prize winners and her very tired evil genius husband. You can find her random anxious ramblings at http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com